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Funny Made Up Business Words

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs.

Cubicle Farm - An office filled with cubicles.

Scube: The need to borrow (mooch) another person's battery power source.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

Dancing Baloney - Little animated GIFs and other Web effects that are useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."

Crop Dusting - Surreptitiously passing gas while passing thru a cubile farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to Prairie Dogging.

Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cubicle farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

Dittoheads - People who are in perfect alignment on an issue, am idea, or a belief system.

EMG - Stands for Empty Magnanimous Gesture. As in: "We think your startup is great and would love to fund it, but [insert excuse here]."

Stress Puppy - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

Decruitment - A corporate euphemism for laying off workers.

Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

OhNoSecond- That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a REALLY BIG mistake.

WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks.

Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute.

Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open; a popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that by the second session half the room was glazing?"

Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions, etc.

Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Betamaxed - When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition.

Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

DINKs - Double Income, No Kids.

Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

Elvis Years - The peak years of hype of a product or methodology.

Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn't require training. "That new guy is totally plug-and-play."

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

GOOD Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Dilbertalized - To be exploited and oppressed by stupid and micromanaging boss, as was Dilbert, the comic strip character.

Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.

Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

Dipsters: People who hold most of 401K in stock and buy corporate or other stock on dips.

Bubblevision - A corporate vision statement, or speech of some corporate honcho about corporate vision.

Dead Cat Bounce - The corporate PR department attempts to mask worsening situation with over-optimistic forecast.

404: A word used in reference to the web page error message. Basically it means a person is clueless.

Gong Show: A phrase used when a meeting or a set of meetings are becoming unproductive.

Dogfood: A term usually used in technology companies, to describe trying out your own software before it is released to the public.

Goat Rodeo: Used when a meeting, project, etc has turned into pure insanity.

Clocksucker: A word used to describe a person or activity that requires a lot of time.

Land and expand - Workplace jargon meaning to sell a small solution to a client and then once the solution has been sold, to expand upon the same solution in the client's environment.

The Helicopter View - An overview of a job or a project.

Boil the ocean - To attempt to do something that is impossible.

Face time - The time spent with a customer or client in person as opposed to on the phone or online.

Blue-sky thinking - A visionary idea without always having a practical application.